Blind Man Accused of Villainy

Review of the Fantastic Four Episode "Mole Man"

Published August 23rd, 199X

SUBTERRANEA–a disabled man was left badly shaken and another woman's life endangered after the actions of a group of former Astronauts below New York City.

The group known as the Fantastic Four, lead by respected doctor Reed Richards, took it upon themselves to intervene when a recent wave of buildings across the world began sinking in to the group. Scientists had been stumped as to the cause of the event, with expert geologist Randall Marsh saying he believed it was either "the result of a series of freak, minute earthquakes" or "some really big, angry kaiju".

The Human Torch, whose real name is Johnny Storm, has been particularly singled out for criticism. His decision to allow well-known socialite Melinda Forbes to accompany the group on the dangerous mission was seen as yet another example of the ever-increasing negligence that has been displayed by the foursome in recent months.

The police report in to the incident was damning of the group's decision making. It was highlighted that Ms Forbes, an attractive young red-head with no known superpowers or mutations, was not provided with the necessary safety gear for cave exploration in enemy territory, such as a helmet, high-visibility clothing and a weapon to defend herself.

Ms Forbes, along with the remainder of the Fantastic Four, had been attending a function at the Rockefeller Building in New York City when it took began descending underground.

One guest in attendance claimed Mr Storm had previously attempted to serenade the socialite with a poorly-received rendition of a self-composed song. The guest said, "we were all enjoying the music and then suddenly he stumbled on stage and demanded the microphone from the leader of the swing band. He sang this horrific rap song that was the worst thing I'd ever heard. Not only that, I'm pretty sure he was lip-synching because it sounded nothing like him."

Dr Reed Richards had instructed all guests to remain in the sunken building, yet Ms Forbes said he allegedly became enraged by her appearance alongside his colleague. "They argued about me like I wasn't even there. I felt distressed and belittled. You can bet I won't be back in the next episode."

The group eventually discovered the man who they believed was the culprit of the chaotic scenes on the surface.

Mr Hans Moleman said the group falsely accused him of concocting an elaborate plan to bring the world's cities deep underground in order to rule over them as a King.

"I'm legally blind and I spend my life in a dark cave. I was using my gigantic, underground bug zapper to blast away some bat infestations at the top of the caverns and I must have set it to max power by accident. Next thing I know, the Fantastic Four are underground and attacking my people. They called my contraption an 'Earth Suction Generator' and accused me of purposely sinking the buildings as part of an evil scheme to take over the world."

Reed Richards was said to have tampered with the victim's property and allegedly made a remark that Moleman would not be allowed to come back up to the surface again. His comments have sparked outrage, with Brad Valentine of the Daily Bugle describing them as "elitist and xenophobic".

Mr Moleman said he would not be pressing any charges against the foursome, saying "I deeply apologise for this embarrassing incident and I will of course be returning most of the buildings I brought down in to Subterranea."