Identity Theft Crisis at Strange Lab

Published September 3rd, 199X

A rampant case of identity fraud and disregard of safety protocols has resulted in a number of deaths and dismemberments at a laboratory on an island in the middle of nowhere.

Inspectors were said to be "appalled" by the lackadaisical approach to how the facility was run, including confidential files being left out in the open and the convoluted key system to unlock doors throughout the facility.

The disaster happened during the ill-judged bring your own dinosaur to work day.

Research assistant Mark Doyle said that Doctor Edward Kirk failed to properly fill in the required risk assessments.

The board at Umbrella Pharmaceuticals have passed a vote of no confidence regarding Doctor Kirk, saying "this would never have happened if he just stuck to making zombies and tyrants like he was supposed to."